Lost my virginity on a double date

Dear Pastor,

I am 20 and I need your advice. I am employed, and I am still living at home.

My parents get along well. I am their only child. My mother told me that when she met my father, he could hardly read, and her relatives laughed at her. But she loves him, so she encouraged him to go to JAMAL, and she used to go with him and study with him until he could read and write his name very well. So, she would never leave him. He learned to drive and he bought a pickup and moved goods for people. When my mother got pregnant with me, he went everywhere with her. They started to live together before she got pregnant. After I was born, they got married. The landlord helped them by selling them a piece of land, but he did not know my father couldn’t read well. My mother did all the business.

I went to school every day. I passed five subjects. I am very proud of my parents. I met a man, but the first thing he wanted to know was how much money I was earning. I don’t hide anything from my father, so I told him about the man and what he asked me. My father told me the guy was out of order. What I am earning is not his business. My mother told me the same thing. I had asked the guy why he wanted to know what I earned and he said he wanted to know if I was earning enough so that we can make a life together. My father has always told me that he wants to be very proud of me and he wants to walk down the aisle with me on my wedding day. I broke up with the guy who wanted to know how much money I was making.

But I did a very bad thing that I deeply regret. I got involved with a guy, and he came to visit me. My parents were not at home. I allowed him to enter the house, something that my parents told me I should not do but I did and this guy told me that he does not know what he would do without me because he has been admiring me for a long time. My parents came home and saw him and my father was very upset. He told me that I should not have a man who they don’t know come into their home. I told my father that I was sorry.

Another time this man invited me out and I went with him. I found out that one of his sisters was my schoolmate. We became very, very close. The first time we kissed, we couldn’t stop, so when he eventually took me home, he asked me if we could go out again the following Saturday and I told him yes. I did not know that the car he was driving belonged to his stepfather. I had never had sex before. We bought chicken and then he bought me some ice cream at Devon House. He told his sister how much he loves me.

We went on a double date, and that is where I got myself into trouble. I had never been to a club. We went to one. His sister and her boyfriend disappeared. She had been there before. It was getting late and I told him I wanted to go home. I had a little too much to drink, so I felt tipsy. Before I realised it, I was in a room with this guy alone. He romanced me until I could not control myself and we had sex. When I really came to myself, I regretted that I allowed him to do that to me and now I want him every day. I don’t know what to do. What do you suggest I do? S.

Dear S.,

You are 20, so you are old enough to have a man in your life.

But that man should not just take you to places where you may feel uncomfortable. You had never been to a night club, so this guy should have told you what you were getting into. He gave you too much to drink, and you lost control of yourself. But he knew what he was doing. He was breaking down your inhibitions. I understand when you say you regret doing what you did. He could have got you pregnant. So in the future, be careful.

Pastor