My husband caused me to cheat on him

Dear Pastor,

I have two children with my husband, but he does not treat me well. He does not give me much money for the children.

At the same time, he had a sweetheart who was getting money from him, because she was telling everybody that I had the ring, but she had the man. Well, I decided to play the same game as my husband. I got myself a man. One day I called him and told him that I was lonely. We talked much rudeness on the phone for about half an hour, and then I told him I would like to see him. He asked me if that meant that I wanted to become his side chick, and I told him that was correct.

We decided to meet at a certain place, so I asked my mother to keep my boys. I took a taxi and met with the man. I told him that he could give me the money that he would use to pay for a hotel. I was broke. He said we didn't have to go anywhere; he had enough room in his car. He kept the air conditioning on for about an hour and we had sex right in his car. When he ejaculated, I held on to him and thanked him. He took me to a certain place and we bought food for me and my boys. He said he did not want anything to eat because his wife would have had dinner for him.

I could not believe that he gave me $41,000 and told me that he will not see me as often as I may like. He told me I do not need to fret; he would put away money for me. He warned me never to call his house, so I never did. After a month and a half, we met again, and this time I had the courage to go with him to a hotel. After our time together, he gave me J$20,000 and US$200 (approximately J$31,840). I asked him if he was looking at me as a prostitute and he told me no.

My husband is still seeing different girls and is always crying that he is broke. I don't like what I am doing but he drove me to it, and now I don't want to stop. For Independence, I asked this man for a new outfit. I was not only able to buy an outfit for myself, but I had enough to buy pants for the children. My husband did not even give me a cent. Sometimes I tell myself that I will wear the ring and give away what my husband should have to my outside lover.

I promised this man that I will not do anything that will jeopardise his relationship with his wife. He told me that is his greatest fear, but he trusts me. What good word do you have to tell me?

R.B.

Dear R.B.,

You say it is your husband who has caused you to become a bad girl. I know you didn't use those words, but I say so because you believe that you are punishing your husband by selling yourself to this man.

You are not punishing him. You are trying to get back at him. He might be shocked to know that you have another man. Whenever he becomes aware that you are having sex with another man, he is likely to leave you and tell the world that you are a terrible woman. Now, mark you, I am only saying what your husband is likely to do.

I do understand what you have written; you are saying that you are a married woman who is in need of money and your husband is giving that money to other women. Sometimes you feel that you are sex-starved. So you called a male friend and told him that you needed him, and now he is giving you all the money you need, and all the sex he is able to give to you. Could you imagine what will happen to that man if his wife should find out? Your side man is evidently in a good position to feed you with money.

I don't want you to continue this way. I would prefer that you to tell your husband that you want him to stop the fooling around, and for both of you to go and seek a family counsellor. I know it will not be easy for you to stop having sex with this new guy, but I am scared that you might get yourself into trouble, so cut it out, please.

Pastor