Husband’s friend loves me better than he does

Dear Pastor,

I am a 45-year-old woman. I was once married but my husband and I broke up. He was very controlling and he did not trust me. I was faithful to him but he did not believe that I was.

He would climb one of the trees in the yard to see who brought me home. One evening, I came in from buying groceries and the taxi driver said, 'Thank you ma'am. Any time you need a taxi call this number', and he gave me his number. When I got to the front door, it was locked. But, in a few minutes, my husband showed up. He was in the mango tree watching and he was a very wild man. Pastor, I complained to his friend about his behaviour and his friend said that he had wanted to be in a relationship with me for a long time. He told me that I should not bear the bad name for anything.

'Play The Game'

Every day his friend was after me to have sex with him. He kept saying 'Don't bear the blame and don't play the game'. So I decided to play the game. I told him that I would play the game with another man because he was too close to my husband. Then he started to tell me that he had a girlfriend and my husband had sex with her. So if he had sex with me, it would be 'payback time'. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

One weekend I wanted to do my hair and I asked my husband for $5,000. He told me that my hair was looking all right to him so I could just wash it. I called his friend and he told me where to meet him. He gave me $6,000 and told me to do my nails also. Now I find myself having sex with this man at least twice a month. He is a better lover than my husband. I don't know what to do. I am more than careful to come home on time and to cook his meals but I don't ask him for anything. We have two children together but they are big children. He is trying to be nice to me. We are only married in name and nothing more, because my love for him is dying. Please don't tell me to leave his friend. I am not going to leave him.

V.L.

Dear V.L.,

You do not want me to tell you to break up the relationship with your husband's friend. Nevertheless I am going to do so and I am going to warn you. If you do not end the relationship with him, it is only a matter of time before your husband finds out. I am not even sure you are speaking the truth that it was the first time you were cheating on your husband. How could you know for sure that your husband's friend was speaking the truth when he said that your husband had an affair with his girlfriend.

He could have been lying. Perhaps he always wanted to have a sexual relationship with you and this was his opportunity. It seems to me that you are easy to get and that you love money, and perhaps any man who can dangle money in front of you can get you into bed. I hope am not being too harsh. Now your husband's friend will look at him and laugh because he was able to take his cherished possession to bed. Furthermore, it is not only a one-night thing. It continues to go on. So I have to say 'Shame on you'. Some men would tell women just about anything to get under their skirts. Your husband's friend who became your lover is a trickster. End this relationship, and do so now.

Pastor