I want to get rid of my mother’s boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem and I believe that you can help me. I am 21 years old and I am living at home with my mother. My father has never lived with us. He is a wild man. He has children everywhere. I heard that my father has 20 children. One day I asked him how many children he has and he said he can't count. My father doesn't take life seriously, so I don't know what has caused women to love him so much.

Whenever I wanted something as a teenager, my mother would send me to him, and my father would make promises that he never kept. I hardly got anything from him, but he would question me about my schoolwork. One day he told me that I shouldn't hold anything against him because if my mother didn't leave him, he would have been a better man today. I could never hate my father. He was so pleasant to talk to.

One day, while I was in school, my father showed up with 12 Julie mangoes. I was glad to see him. He told me to sell the mangoes and buy whatever I needed. I cried and I laughed, but I sold all the mangoes. I did not even keep one for myself. My father is not doing very well now and I would love to help him, but I am not in a position to do so. My mother is in her 40s and she has a man in her life. I don't like him. He does not like to work, and my mother is supporting him. I told my mother to leave him.

We are living in a two-room house and this man told my mother that I am old enough to go and 'take man'. I don't know who told him that I want a man in my life. I don't trust him. Whenever I am in the house and he is around, he is always staring at me. My mother said he will not do me anything. She said he asked her to marry him. This place belongs to my mother's father and he is abroad. He is planning to come back to Jamaica and build a better house on the property. My mother knows that my grandfather wouldn't put money in this place for this man to live as a king.

Growing up, my mother did not bring men into this house. However, in the last few years it seems as if her body is on fire. She told me that she wants a man in her life and that is why she became friendly with a man. Since he has been living with us, she cannot save a cent, but she wants to get married and go to church. People would see this man walking on the road and think that he is a good man, but he is not. How can my mother get rid of him?

Concerned Daughter

Dear Concerned Daughter,

There are many women who prefer to stay single when they have to raise girl children because they are afraid that their male lovers may become sexually involved with them. This is perhaps one of the reasons that your mother did not get sexually involved with any man before now.

However, now that you have grown up, your mother feels that it is time for her to have a man and to do the things that she couldn't do when you were young, so she is now involved with this man. But, as you claim, instead of assisting your mother, he depends on her for survival, and you don't trust him. The only problem with that is that your mother loves him.

If she did not love him, she would have aske d him to leave. He is not bringing anything to the table, so to speak. He has no mo ney. She is spending all she has on him. You are old enough to sit and talk to your mother.

Perhaps your grandfather, who owns the p ropert y on which you are living, should be told abo ut the situation. Let your mother know you are going to tell him about it. I don't think your grandfather would love to spend money on the property for thi s 'sweet boy' to benefit from his labour. Do n't be rude to your mother, but speak to her straigh t.

Pastor