Don’t like my sister around my boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am 20 years old and my sister, who is 23, has let me down. I have a boyfriend who visits me; my sister also has a boyfriend. My sister is a graduate of a college.

She was working, but the job was not permanent. I am still in school. My boyfriend helps to support me. He is paid monthly, and every month he gives me enough money to last me for the month, even if he has to struggle along to get to work. He is from the country. His mother is a higgler and every week he gets foodstuff from her to give to me. He told me that she said he should try and treat me well.

My sister's boyfriend is mean. She is always complaining that he is not giving her enough money. She is taking news about me to my boyfriend and everything she tells him, he comes back and tells me. She questions me about my boyfriend and whatever secret I tell her, she reveals it to him. When my boyfriend took my virginity, I told her. She went and asked him if he was sure that he was the one who took it, because there was a guy in the neighbourhood who was always going out with me and he was always a 'hot rod'. This guy tried to have sex with her, too. Imagine, my own blood sister would raise that with my boyfriend. And then she told me that she did not say anything bad. Sometimes I don't even like to see her talking to my boyfriend when he comes around. He feels comfortable to visit me. Although I go to see him, he does not like me coming there because he lives in a big tenement yard.

I am graduating next year, and we are planning to get our own place. I can't trust my sister. She says that she does not want my boyfriend, but at the same time, she is telling me that I am very lucky to have such a man in my life.

H.

Dear H.,

Try and live in harmony with your sister. Perhaps she did not mean any harm when she asked your boyfriend whether he was sure that he took your virginity. It was a very wrong thing for her to do, and she should learn to keep her mouth shut and not to divulge anything that both of you have spoken about. I don't think it is fair for you to accuse her of wanting to take away your boyfriend. It may appear like that on the surface, but I doubt very much that she has that in mind. She chats too much, and perhaps a little jealousy is there; but, I repeat, I doubt that she wants your man. Remember to try and live in harmony with her because sisters need sisters. Blood is blood. So, whenever mistakes are made it should be discussed and forgotten.

Pastor