Money has changed My husband

Dear Pastor,

My husband and I are high school sweethearts from Jamaica. I migrated to the USA shortly after we started dating. We dated long distance for five years. It was hard but we made it work.

My husband came to the USA on a work visa. I was so happy as the long distance was taking a toll on the relationship. I financed the work visa and we got married shortly after he arrived. We have been through everything together. During the recession, we survived on one income as I was the only one working. It took him five years to find employment. We have been married now for 20 years. Our marriage produced three beautiful children and I thought for sure we were happy.

Two years ago, he decided that he wanted to start a business venture. I supported him, invested the money I had saved, and the business started doing well. The minute things started going well for him, I noticed a change in his behaviour. He became very disrespectful, started staying out late at nights, and his children became an afterthought. Family was no longer important to him. He wouldn't help around the house or assist with raising the children. He became so vain. His whole life revolved around partying with friends. He is always the one buying the champagne and the Hennessy. He started taking frequent solo trips to Jamaica. He cared more about the brand named clothes he wore and the cars he drove.

He now refers to good friends and family who are always supportive, uplifting and genuinely care for him as lowlifes without ambition.

We started arguing a lot about how much he had changed. The fights became more frequent and often took place in front of the children. This took a toll on me. I begged him for us to seek counselling and to try fixing our marriage. One day he finally said to me that he doesn't love me and no longer wants to be married. He moved out of the house and started sleeping at his friend's house. I found out he was never faithful throughout the marriage. He slept with multiple women, and he is now with a 20-year-old girl. He calls the children every other day but he speaks to them for no more than a minute or two. When he does visit, he picks them up, buys them fast food, and drops them back at the house.

Pastor, I now struggle with whether I should get a divorce. I still love my husband and would love for us to work things out, but he wants nothing to do with me. Right now, he cares more about status and privilege than his own flesh and blood. I feel like he is on a path of self-destruction, and as his wife, I feel helpless as I don't know what to do.

I need your advice.

K.L.

Dear K.L.,

I can promise you that I will remember you in prayers. If your husband is not interested in seeking professional help, this marriage will not work. There is nothing you can do to change your husband. If he changes his attitude and agrees to meet with a counsellor, the relationship may work for a while. But, right now, he has made it clear to you that he is not interested in you.

Therefore, I say to you, please seek the advice of a lawyer.

Pastor