I have no front teeth

Dear Pastor,

I am 62 years old and I feel lonely at times. Sometimes I pray that God will find me a husband, but I can't trust men. I read your column every day. As I said, I find it hard to trust men. I met a man and I was reasoning with him. He is in his late 50s. I am a Christian. I was married, but my husband passed away 10 years ago.

This man I am talking to has six children. They are living in rural Jamaica. I started to have a relationship with him in May of last year. For the first three months he was very nice to me, until we had sex. Then I realised that he had changed. I do not know where he lives, even though he has invited me to come to his house. When I was ready to go to visit him, he made lots of excuses and came to my house instead. When we first had sexual intercourse, he used a condom. After that, he abandoned the use of condoms.

IGNORED ME

He started to ignore me for about three months last year, so I did not want to let him back into my house.

When he ignored me, I thought I had done something wrong to him, so I reached out to him. But right now, he wants me back in his life. I still don't trust him. He keeps begging me to let him come back to my house. I don't know what to do because I am a Christian. He is telling me to take pictures of my body and send them to him. I told him that I feel awkward to do so, but he is still insisting that I should.

Whenever I have sex with him I feel guilty. That is one of the reasons why I stopped having a relationship with him.

The next thing, pastor, why I believe that this man wouldn't want me is because I don't have any front teeth. So even when he says he loves me, I don't believe him. Whatever you say I should do, I will do it.

J.

Dear J.,

First of all, I want to thank you for your letter. I believe that you have expressed yourself very well. I also believe that you recognised that this man with whom you got involved is not honest. He is lying to you. He is trying to use you. How could he be inviting you to his house and then making excuses why he cannot take you? He is not being true to you.

Even if you were told where his house is located, my suggestion is that you should not go there at all, because he might have another woman living there. The man is a liar.

Sometimes when women are lonely, they may get sexually involved with men but regret doing so after. It seems to me that that is what happened to you. This man only wanted to get under your skirt, and he succeeded. You claimed that he may not like you because you are missing some teeth, but if he loves you, he could assist you in getting dentures. He hasn't told you that that is the reason why he has stayed away from you for a few months. You only suspect that that could be the cause.

You know that when he wants to have sex, he will come around and be as nice to you as possible. But try your best not to allow that to happen. He is behaving like a ginal. He is a user. You have been fighting life on your own, so to speak. Whatever you are doing to support yourself, continue to do so. You have made mistakes, but be comforted with the thought that everybody makes mistakes from time to time. So learn to forgive yourself. I will be praying for you.

Pastor