I can’t get over my babyfather

September 27, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I am 24 years old and I have what I would call a nagging problem. When I was 18 years old, I fell in love with a man. He encouraged me to go on the 'Pill', which I did, but I did not follow the instructions very well. There are days where I did not take it, and so I got pregnant and ended up giving birth to a boy child.

This man is five years older than me. He took care of me and the child. My parents told me that they weren't responsible for me anymore, because I was a big woman, and it is only big woman who go and get pregnant. At the same time they loved my son's father. One day, my son's father and I had an argument and I said something I should not have said. I cursed a bad word and he told me I should apologise, but I refused. From that day he was a changed person. He started to pull away from me, and I later found out that he was seeing another girl. I saw the girl's number in his phone and I called her, and she confirmed that they were friends. She told him that I had called her. He did not like what I did but he kept supporting his child, and gave me anything I asked him for.

He got married to the girl but did not tell me that he was going to do so. When I found out, I cried and I could not eat for days. He went to America for a few months and he called every week to find out how his son was doing. I told him his son was doing well, but I was not well. When he asked me what was wrong, I told him that I still loved him. He told me to get over it.

A GOOD MAN IS HARD TO FIND

My mother told me I was foolish to let this man slip through my fingers because good men are hard to find. I became involved with another guy, but he cannot walk in my son's father shoes. He tried his best to please me, but I can't get over my son's father. My son has his father's number, so he calls him every day. When I have a chance to talk to him I always tell him that I am not good enough, I want him back. He told me recently that he is now going to church, so he is not going to leave his wife and come back to me. That night I felt like killing myself. How could a man be so heartless and unforgiving?

Pastor, a few nights ago I went to bed and I dreamt that my child's father was in bed with me and we were having our time together. This was so real, when I jumped out of my sleep I found myself totally wet down there. I had the strongest orgasm. I called him and told him what had happened to me. He said that I should get married to my new boyfriend and he would take care of that. I really don't know what to do and that is why I am writing to you for your advice. I hope to hear from you soon.

N.C

Dear N.C,

Take the advice from your son's father and move on. You mentioned what you said to him to turn him off, but I will not publish it. Suffice to say that you were very out of order. When he asked you to apologise, you should have done so and perhaps that would have been the end of the argument, but you didn't. He felt deeply hurt and he saw another side of you that he did not know about and felt he couldn't take the risk in marrying you.

You should not try to encourage this man to leave his wife. You have a man in your life and evidently you don't love him as much as you love your son's father, but your son's father is a good man and he is taking care of his son and occasionally he helps you, too. If you do not see any future with your present boyfriend, don't waste your time with him. Find ways such as going back to school to occupy your time, and trust the good Lord for sending you a good man who will respect you, and love you, and with whom you can have a good future.

I wish you well.

Pastor

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