Cheating boyfriend putting my health in danger

June 03, 2020

Dear Pastor,

I am 21 years old and my boyfriend is 28. We have been together for two years. I love him very much and I try to keep up with his sexual demands, but he is never satisfied.

I looked in his phone without his knowledge and saw nude pictures of girls. One girl sent him pictures in every position under the sun. I was tempted to send them to my phone, but I was scared that he would beat the hell out of me.

I asked why he could not be satisfied with me, and he said he is satisfied, but we must talk about things that are uplifting. He does not know that I saw these pictures in his phone.

If this man was happy with me, do you think he would go to other girls? Sometimes I like to come from school and be very quiet, but I can't even concentrate on my assignments because I know the type of man I am coming home to.

I don't know how he finds the time to go out with these girls, because he would come home before me and cook. And sometimes he would even clean the house. I know he does not bring the women to our house because neighbours would tell me, especially one of them who lives in the apartment facing us. He has a good job and he takes care of me, but sometimes I am afraid of him because he gets crazy when he is angry.

He went to the doctor, and the doctor prescribed some tablets for me to take. I understand that he picked up gonorrhoea. He would not admit that he was having sexual intercourse with another woman. I am of the belief that it was one of the girls whose nude pictures I saw on his phone.

I have never cheated on him, but when I realised that my health was in danger, I told him I wanted a break, so I went to spend some time with my mother. I did not explain to my mother why I was spending time with her, but I said to her I wanted some bonding time with her.

My boyfriend comes to the house every day and even tried to have sex with me, but I told him no. I could not do that in my mother's house and when she is at home. I still love this man, but I do not know why he has to have so many women. And, to be frank with you, he is not mean to me. Although I am hurting, I want him back. That does not make sense, I know.


Dear B.T.,

This man should consider himself very fortunate because you have enough evidence to prove that he is a cheater. And you have continued to remain in the relationship. I doubt, however, that he does not know that you are aware that he is a womaniser.

This particular girl who sent him these nude pictures of herself loves him and will do anything in the world to get him to be with her, and to be his permanent and special woman. The things that other women would do, you would not do. But when this man wants to get his kicks, he looks at these pictures.

And to some women, taking such pictures is a way of expressing their love and admiration for men. You say that the doctor sent you some tablets, at least that is what he told you; however, I believe that you should have also gone to the doctor on your own, because you should not trust what he says.

You love this man so much that even though he has allowed you to take a break and you are at your mother's house, you are thinking of returning to him. I cannot recommend that you do so, but you are an intelligent girl and you should know the danger of having a man who would have unprotected sex with other women and come home and have unprotected sex with you also.

You are exposing yourself to great danger. So I suggest that you tell this man that you want the both of you to go and see a doctor, and be tested for sexual transmitted infections, including HIV/AIDS.


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