Should I marry this foreign man?

Dear Pastor,

I have two daughters for two different men. One of the men is a good provider. When I met him, he did not tell me that he was living with a woman.

I asked him if he was single and he said yes, so we got together. I asked him who he was living with and he said that he was living with his mother.

It was a half-truth. He was living at his mother's home, but it was after I became pregnant that I found out that his girlfriend was living there also.

When I was about six months pregnant, he got married to that woman. Then he told me he was sorry for getting me pregnant.

I have gone to bed with about 10 men during my lifetime and none of them treated me as well as this man.

He gives me money to support his daughter every week. She is now seven. He calls her and talks to her. His wife helps to supports her also. She doesn't have children.

I have had sex with him a few times since he is married.

My other child's father gives me money for her, but I always have to threaten him. I told him I would take him to court, but it is only to scare him because what I get from the other man is enough to help take care of her too.

He drinks a lot, but he has offered to marry me. He has nothing. I cursed him and told him that the only thing he has is his 'third leg'.

He not only drinks, but he is always gambling. He is living with a woman who is much older than himself, and she has four children.

Pastor, what I am really writing to you about is to ask what I should do about a man I met recently. He is living in the United States. He was in Jamaica for his aunt's funeral.

I knew the aunt well, so I went to the 'set up' and also to the funeral. I met him there and we became friends.

He told me that from the very minute he saw me, he fell in love with me. He went back and we started to correspond.

This man stays up late into the night talking to me. He is divorced and he wants me to come to the US and visit him, and for us to get married.

I talked to my older child's father about it, but he is against it. I would like to get the opportunity to travel and to get married.

My child's father said if I am going, I should give him his daughter. I wouldn't want to do that. If this man and I get married, I want my two children to be with me.

Please for your advice, pastor.

E.A.

Dear E.A.,

This man is asking you to visit him in the US and to marry him.

You seem to be excited over his proposal, but I give you a word of caution. You do not know enough about this man. He should be properly investigated. What caused him to be divorced? Does he have his own home? Is he in debt? How many children does he have, and are they in or out of school?

You may say that you asked him these questions before, but how do you know that the answers he gave you are true? Get someone who is not related to him to check him out.

The father of your first child has declared that if you are going, he would like to take full custody of his daughter and you would be against that. Why would you be against that when you do not know what would happen between you and this man? You do not know whether this man will treat your children well.

I believe that you should give this friendship a long time to develop while you try your best to get more information on him.

It might not be a bad idea to visit the US, but I would not suggest that you stay with him. Stay, if possible, with a relative or friend and while you are there, try to learn as much about this man. I wish you well.

Pastor