Sleeping with my ‘stepbrother’

Dear Pastor,

I am 17-years-old, and I have two boyfriends. One is 19-years-old, and the other is 30 years old. The 30-year-old is the son of my mother's man.

My mother sells at a roadside market, and this guy drove his father's pickup truck and brought something to the market for my mother, and there is where he saw me and started to 'pick argument' with me.

I asked him if he did a girlfriend and he said yes but, that he had nothing to do with me. He took my number and I took his number, and we started to call each other. We became good friends.

I used to hide to go and look for him. My mother became suspicious and asked me how come he and I were so close, and I told her it is because he gives me good advice.

The first time he asked me for sex, I told him I didn't want to do it because his father and my mother were friends so we were related. He said that was foolishness.

One day when he picked me up from school, he took me to his friend's house, and we had sex. I was in my uniform, so he told me to have a change of clothes in my bag so I wouldn't look like a schoolgirl whenever he picks me up.

My other boyfriend and I were still talking because he was the one who took my virginity. I love him, and he helps me with my schoolwork, but he doesn't have anything to give, me.

Whenever I don't see this man, I fret. But I am fretting even more now because the last time we had sex, he didn't use a condom; he pulled out.

I don't want to get pregnant. I love him, but I also love my other boyfriend.

Pastor, do you think I am a bad girl?

S.P.

Dear S.P.,

I am not here to condemn anybody. I don't want to call you a bad girl. I would say that you are naive and that you should not have been carried away by this man whose father is having a relationship with your mother.

This man knows that his father and your mother are lovers. He should not have got sexually involved with you. That is so wrong. But he doesn't care.

You should have rejected this guy. Instead you encouraged him by accepting money from him and having sex with him.

He is a wicked guy, and you should have more respect for yourself and for your mother. So I am asking you to tell this 30-year-old man that you cannot go any further with him.

I hope that you are not pregnant by him. That would be a big disgrace.

I know that girls your age say "schoolboy money done lunchtime", but I will suggest that you stay with this younger guy although he doesn't have much to give you.

Pastor