In love with my former co-worker

Dear Pastor,

I am in love with a former co-worker. I am not working at the company anymore, but we are still friends. We have been friends for three years. He was my supervisor, and although we were not 'boyfriend and girlfriend', people used to accuse us of having an affair. But, we were not having an affair. He was just kind to me. He never put me on hard duties. He was married at the time, but his wife died from cancer, and I was there for him.

His children are still in school. He told me that he would have to get married again. I was never married. The children's aunts are very good to them. Sometimes they go to the house and stay with them.

One night, I did not know that one of the children's aunts was going to be there, and I showed up about 10 p.m. The aunt told him that he should remember he has children and they are intelligent, so he should not allow a woman to visit him at that time. She asked me why I was there so late, and I told her that I was not thinking about the time. She said he had gone to bed, but she went in and called him. He changed his clothes and came out, and we went away. I was so embarrassed, because I only wanted to give him a surprise that night, but I was not thinking about the children.

He said I should not think about what his sister-in-law said, and that maybe she was jealous.

Pastor, I love this man. He recently left the company, and he has started his own business. He wants me to come and work with him, and he is also talking about us getting married.

Since his wife died, he has been going to church, and the children's aunts take them when he cannot go. It is only now we have started having sex, but people who knew this man would believe we have been going on for all this time. He has his own home. The children are very smart, and they respect me.

Sometimes I go there during the day, especially on weekends, and cook for them. Do you think I should marry this man? He is educated, but I am not, and that is holding me back.

Y.J.

Dear Y.J.,

I suggest that you marry this man. Use common sense. Don't allow this opportunity to pass you by. Tell him that you will marry him, but you don't care to work in his business for a long time. Tell him also that you would love for him to send you to evening school, and that you would try to be the best mother to his children and the most loving wife that he can have.

His sister-in-law did not mean to insult you or to embarrass him when she said that you came to the house too late, so don't hold that against her. I repeat, marry him and enjoy what he has to offer, and accept these children as your very own. I wish you well. Write me four years from now and tell me how this relationship is going with you and this man.

Pastor